I finally got round to see­ing the Bourne Ulti­matum at the week­end. (Spoiler ahead) It shoots straight into the top ten for cine­matic journ­al­ist por­tray­als, though it doesn’t do us any favours. Paddy Con­sid­ine plays Simon Ross, fic­tional secur­ity cor­res­pond­ent of the Guard­ian, a reporter so drippy his photo-byline is a tea stain.

Far­ring­don Road fea­tures, and there’s an inter­est­ing cameo by Alan Rus­bridger’s glasses.

Ross, whose note-taking skills make Andrew Gil­ligan look like Mar­cel Proust, is hunted down by a CIA team led by David Strath­airn (the irony — cinema’s Edward R. Mur­row turned journo-slayer).

Ross — a bit of a liab­il­ity — is shot dead on Water­loo sta­tion (appro­pri­ately, by someone called an asset).

He’s hid­ing in a cup­board when he loses his nerve in a scene oddly remin­is­cent of Bambi, where the birds are shel­ter­ing from a hunter in the under­growth. One of them cracks:

He’s almost here.
I can’t stand it any longer. [Bang/feathers flut­ter to ground]

The les­sons?

• File your story online first.
• Don’t go and meet assassin-pursued pyscho­pathic contacts.
• If you do — stay in the cupboard.

Good advice.