I don’t know about you, but I get heartily sick of people whining on about the media – its failings, its mis-reporting, its bias. I spent most of my life trying to interest people in the events of the world around them. Some of those I worked with died trying to do the same. All for people who’d rather play Grand Theft Auto. Or go shopping. Or look after elderly relatives.

OK, so it’s easy to paint the world in primary colours.

Still, just for a moment wouldn’t you like to turn a hose on the audience? Roll up the paper and swipe the readers?

Alas, those stones we howl at every evening newscast would flip channels even if heaven’s vault had cracked.

So, forget the sign off – the last line of every story should be: “Remember you don’t care.”

Just kidding. Happy April 1st.