There is an exceptional and very poignant post from a sacked Chinese journalist translated and reproduced at the China Digital Times:

I am afraid of other people praising me as a brave newspaperman, because I know I am full of fear in my heart. I did write some commentaries on current affairs, and edited some articles that exposed the truth.

I lost my job and was threatened for speaking the truth.

However, to be honest, these were exceptional cases. They were my miscalculations. In my various media positions in the past decade, what I’ve practised most is avoiding risk.

Self-censorship has become part of my life. It makes me disgusted with myself.

Some of my peers are proud of their censorship skills, and like to show it off to employers. I have similar skills, and I am using them everyday.

But I am deeply uncomfortable with it. I feel ashamed about it, just like an executioner knows that he is good at killing.

I could console myself by saying that I am not alone in avoiding risks. There are risks in all professions, and everybody has to know how to control it…

However, the media industry is different. I participate in telling lies to the public whenever I cancel a good news story, whenever I delete a sentence of truth, if we regard the media as a public good.

I could also excuse my cowardice by saying that tens of thousands of jobs are at stake if I speak the truth. I should take responsibility for others who rely on the publication for a living…

However, I have to admit that I wouldn’t have the courage to speak out, if there were not so many colleagues associated with me, or if I was required to make sacrifices to secure their jobs. How can I use others as my fig leaf and pretend to be noble?

…Compared to the importance of the media to the society, what I’ve done is very limited. I should be ashamed of taking such an important position in this industry and not doing more. I should be more ashamed when I get honors for my work.

Even if I don’t have the courage and capacity to do more than I can do now, I should at least live honestly and conscientiously, and be aware of my cowardice and impotence

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And now the guy needs a job…