The BBC report on impartiality is out. Nick Robinson celebrates with a metaphoric-trope-fest from Wembley. Politics – it’s like football. But no free kicks. Or offside rule. Or roasting. Next week from Wimbledon. Politics. It’s like tennis…Then another correspondent tells us that hopelessness and despair push people to extremism. What hope centrism? I despair!

But back to the report, which says impartiality is like a wagon wheel. (Burton’s biscuit is the perfect metaphor. The soft mashmallow centre is fixed, fairly but firmly between the opposing rigid – yet crumbly – discs of chocolate coated biscuit.)

The report reads like some earnest but sensible Church encyclical. You know it’s not going to suddenly pop out and tell you that God is dead and we’re stranded in a moral vortex.

Still, in a passing nod to Nietzsche, twelve aphorisms are offered for guidance.

The reality is that editors chart the limits of impartiality by weighing number of complaints, and the strength of public, political and press hostility. It’s called a “heuristic.”

And the truth about the importance of impartiality?

Impartiality should define the BBC brand … This is not the moment for the BBC to compromise its brand.

Ah yes, the brand. To give a personal example, I’m an atheist. But church-going is important to the Monck brand. See you on Sunday!