I don’t think television news should ever ignore new ideas on how to win back audiences.

STAN: All right, we all need to come up with ideas for our show.
KYLE: How about we revamp the name? Super School News sounds dry.
CARTMAN: It should be Sexy News.
TOKEN: Action News.
STAN: Yeah, Sexy Action, that’s good.

KYLE: Maybe the problem is we don’t have very good stories to report on.
CARTMAN: Right. We should make up stories, because they’ll be far more interesting.
BUTTERS: Hey, yeah. Uh, why I could say I saw celebrities and then lie about what I saw them doing.
CARTMAN: Gosh, Butters, write that down!
BUTTERS: Lie about celebrities.
STAN: We have to appeal to all the students, so we, we need hot girls for the sixth graders…
CARTMAN: And panda bears for the preschoolers.
STAN: Good!
KYLE: Maybe we need to make students think they have to watch our news show or they’ll die.
TOKEN: Yeah! We should make up a bunch of reports about how dangerous it is to be alive.
BUTTERS: Oh boy!
JIMMY: Fellas, are you sure all of this is – eh- ethical?
CARTMAN: We’re in fourth grade, Jimmy. We don’t even know what ethical means.